Maan it waz a hot lazt week, I know, I know! what youz are thinking, yez I am an African Pygmy, yez I am used to warmer weatherz, but jeesh England you kicked Africa buttz last week. Not that I even know what it feelz like in Africa, itz only what I am told. I knew it waz hot becuz the humans were flinging open all ze doors and windowz.
PSSSSStttttttt! it’z me Hank……my human friend Lynz left her typing machine next to my home, I just wanted to hay to you guyz.
She haz juzt left, I heard her mention zomething aboutz going to a chilli festival, but I am not zure why you would want to celebrate being cold. Humanz are odd things ay.
I see Lynz tapping on this thing all week, I alzo HEAR her tapping on thiz thing, not want I need to hear whilzt I am trying to catch some zzzzzzzzzzzs.
I could zmell a fire from outside, the humans were cooking human food on a barrel, I think my human friend Barry waz in charge…..he is alwayz in charge of human food that is outzide.
Anyhoos Lynz waked me up from my slumber and shoved her hand under my belly and declared I waz too hot. I beg to differ, but Lynz knowz me so well I juzt roll with it. My playpen got prompty set up and I had a awezome afternoonz inveztigating it, gettin in an all about my toyz. I waz az cool az a cucumber, I snuggled in my blanket and snoozed the evening away. I dreamt that I found a world of wormies right behind my litter tray, I awoke and fell over myzelf to check but it waz juzt a dream….
Anotherz highlight of the week waz bath time! Lynz alwayz go high pitched when she announcez this, she getz quite excited at watching me lap the bath tub in my natural nudeself. So much so the photo taking thingy got whipped out and shoved in my faze. Maan I need to work on my beech bod after a winter of snoozing. (sidenote: I must request a new wheel and apologize for breaking my old one and then covering it in poo, it waz a moment of utter crazyness)
On Thurzday I joined my human friends on the sofa they were watching other humanz talking and moving on the that huge moving screen. I had the run of the couch. But I chose to snugglez up to Lynz for a bit. I’d spent the day buzy sleeping in my house and I had to get up 3 times for a wee! (sidenote: need to drink less water before bed),So I just needed a few extra snoozes to catch up.
Then I started to expore, I lovez climbing and tunneling around the humans. I managed to make it up the arm of Lynz and sat on her shoulder for a while, then I had that trembling feeling through my bodyz…I dashed under the blanket….if only I could talk, I could of politely asked to be placed back in to my humble abode so I could safely make my peronal deposit trouble free. Instead my bottom started shaking and I lost control and did a pooz in my blanket. I tried to keep quietz and kept still, I didnt want to disturb my human friends from watching more human friends on the moving screen. But Lynz being Lynz started to investigate where I waz, lifting the blanket offz me and I saw that look on the front of herz face, she calmly scooped me up and reunited me with my toilet tray so I could finish my happenings, Barry provided the accompanying sound effectz of dizguzt, while Lynz stripped the sofa blanket, baby wiped my pooz up and put on that noizy clothez water spinner thingy.
That was enough humanz humiliation for me for one night, I snuggled up in my cozy home and went to sleepz.
Before the humanz switched out the lights, Barry put some wormies in my bowl, I took that as an apology for the human sound effects earlier. I know he getz me, becuz I hear Lynz make the same human noises to him sometimez……snortz!
Crikey I can hearz the hole in the wall shutting, they must be home. I must dash off under my blankee. Letz keep all of this between us…yeah guyz?